The Dick Tap™

An invention by The Penisman

This is my new invention, the Dick Tap.

The Dick Tap is a urinal accessory consisting of a fixed porcelain protrusion positioned at typical penile height. After urination, instead of manually shaking to remove residual urine from the urethra, the user can tap the penis against the protrusion to assist in clearing remaining fluid. The device functions as a physical contact point integrated into the urinal.

Why the World Needed This

For 200,000 years, men have relied on the inefficient, splash-prone “shake” method. Field data shows the traditional two-to-three shakes still leave 1–3 pendant droplets — the primary cause of the infamous underwear stain. The Dick Tap eliminates this ancient design flaw with a single, elegant ceramic ridge.

How It Works

Finish your stream → three controlled taps against the glazed ridge → kinetic pulse travels the length of the urethra → final droplet detaches cleanly into the drain. Independent testing (Toronto, October 2025) recorded 92–98 % residual urine removal versus 67–78 % with shaking alone.

Key Features

• Zero moving parts – lasts the lifetime of the urinal
• Self-cleaning via standard flush cascade
• Non-porous vitreous china – more hygienic than your phone screen
• Universal height compatibility (5th–95th percentile)
• Instantly intuitive – no signage required

The Future Is Tap

Prototype units are already installed in select Toronto venues. Early adopters report near-100 % satisfaction and a surprising auditory appeal (the ceramic “tok-tok-tok” has been called “oddly therapeutic”).

By 2035, walking into a public restroom without a Dick Tap will feel as dated as dial-up internet.

This is not a joke. This is plumbing evolution.