Here is how it is. This is the final dick slap of eternity. No recourse, no debate. This is the final erection.
When you're under the curse of nature, which kicks in like a long acid trip around the age of 12 or 13, the dream that accompanies the instinctual response of attraction in its first form is completely unrelated to the actual experience that the pursuit of it reveals.
Think of it like a feeling that spawns a dream-image: a mixture of third-party material from music and advertising, combined with custom-tailored daydreams from your internal world. These two sources come together to produce what could be called “your love dream.”
I come from an era where you didn’t need to be absolutely perfect to get a date. It was still possible to endure a long period of drought, then eventually be relieved by someone within your perceived value range. Because of this, you could learn from the experience—the difference between the dream in your emotional inner world and what the actual experience demanded from you in reality.
So what this meant was: with each relationship, you learned more about the true nature of human mating within a cultural system, and the tolls and investments it requires. For example, most relationships—or rather, the vast majority, to the point where exceptions become mythical tales—pull you magnetically toward what I would call “domesticated living scenarios.”
That means many of these relationships culminate in pregnancy, which eventually leads to involvement with the local municipality of residence, and almost certainly, the pressure to pursue extreme advancement in employment.
What began as a fuzzy love-dream, born from media-fueled hallucination and internal projection, eventually collided with lifestyle impositions you could not have foreseen. You probably didn’t realize those impositions were the actual terms of the exchange.
Each new relationship revealed more of this reality. It demystified you from your dream, and replaced it with what amounts to a contract with the culture you live in.
The decision of whether or not to sign that contract is actually the decision that defines whether or not you want a relationship.
If you reject the world, the culture, the system, and its theater, then in reality—as a man—you do not want a relationship. Because relationships are not what they appear to be. They are auditions for integration, gateways into contracts with all of those components: the world, the culture, the system, the theater, the market.
Some of us had a vision of love that came from a kind of hyper-spiritual experience, or a deep desire to be free from the world itself. We mistook the dream of love for something that would save us from the very world we despised.
But once you walk through the gate, even for a preliminary run, you find out that love, in this world, through relationships, is actually the doorway to the very things you were trying to escape.
If you despise social conformity, mandatory cultural rituals, prioritizing employment advancement, and serving female lifestyle aspirations, then love, as it exists here, is not for you.
That is what I learned.
My vision of love was a cosmic fantasy. I imagined merging with another soul who hated life too, dissolving into a mist of bliss, and leaving the world behind. I wanted a partner in hell, someone who longed to be free through the bond.
But I was wrong.
What they told me was this: “I like this world. I like its rituals. I want to be part of the social register and its theater. You are here to provide energy and material to support this. I don’t want this relationship to end hell. I want it to reinforce the life that you hate.”
Now, with it being harder than ever for younger men to get even a trial run at “love,” many of them are not learning this crucial lesson.
So I ask: Is love for you? Or have you superimposed your wish to be saved from hell onto the pursuit of a feeling?
I wanted something from life that it simply cannot provide.
Think about that. You may find it’s terribly true.
The feeling that draws us into love produces a dream made from both cultural programming and internal need. It is a projection shaped by the truth of your emotional hunger.
But if you really examine what this world requires of you to conform, you might find that you do not truly want it.
What you wanted was something else. Something that does not exist here.
Having suffered to learn this, I can now share it without shame, because it is behind me.
I had a vision of love that was too majestic for the world as it really is. I wanted to dissolve into eternal bliss with someone and leave this realm. I did not want to go deeper into it.
That vision was a fantasy born in the depths of personal hell, not a real pathway out of it.
What I was really looking for was a spiritual exit strategy. I wanted to die to the world with a lover. But we must admit this is entirely incompatible with how female pursuit operates within cultural ritual.
The unspoken rule of life is this: You pursue the female in order to enter service. You serve the world, its rituals, and its theater of identity.
The tragedy is that the existential desire to leave the world became fused with the quest for love.
This is likely why people who feel this level of intensity often drift toward religious thought. The desire to die to the world, to see everything as lies, to reject life itself—these are religious instincts. What happened to us is that a transcendent longing became mapped onto a cultural, physical ritual, in the hope that it could deliver what only belongs to another realm.
I made a category error. Maybe, just maybe, you have too.
There is no love here. There is only conformity to arbitrary rituals and preassigned roles.
The feeling of love might seem otherworldly, powerful enough to borrow divine language. But the actual experience of relationship is a series of material contracts and cultural exchanges.
It is not a doorway to transcendence. It only feels like one for a short while.
In truth, it is a doorway deeper into this world—into its systems, roles, and transactions.
What I really wanted was a shared, immersive experience with someone who rejected this world too. I wanted to unite in eternal bliss with another, as a response to the torments of hell. The intensity of the feeling made me borrow language from the divine and project it onto a ritual that could never deliver on that promise.